Archive 1975 | mysite

Robert Flinkman
View From Booth Hall
oil on canvasboard
18" X 24 "
1975
copyright 1975 Robert Flinkman

January 15th, 1975 Wednesday

I purchased myself a canvas. No longer do they have 18' X 24" stretched canvas but the pasteboard type which I really don't take well to. It chips when one sketches on it. I was so eager to get back to oils! I am doing now the scene from my windows. It is of a small backyard - to the right is a house of brick with a white porch. The roof is of tin and lime colored. To the left is a portion of a reddish platform with two large trees. One branch goes directly across the picture. In the background is a white house.

January 30th, 1975 Thursday

I want to cry now - cry! How I wish I could tell someone something - everything. I regret my actions today, how I ostracized them both. But my moods, my moods! Control - ha! No!They change, I am sensitive - I hurt easily. And my moods - from low to immediate up. I feel so tired, I want - what do I want? - peace - how I wish, I can only wish for people like my friends at F.C. (Friends Central) - so sensitive, always someone to talk to. But the childishness
I must face - such idiocy! I will retire to myself, mend my soul, patiently wait another onslaught, sigh, retire and repair, water my soul with my tears - then all over again.

February 6th, 1975 Thursday

I wrote Lori a rather romantic letter. I told her of how this place tires me, when she comes do I feel better - she shares my interest in art and that during the party to excuse my foolishness of accosting yet in everything there is a grain of truth. "It is obvious, the flesh is not strong enough to conceal that which the soul feels." I look forward to her visits - I am able to talk to
someone who is sincere, who will listen. I then wrote how lucky John is to have her. "Often people take for granted that which they possess, until it is taken away. I dislike so people who are sad, I guess because I feel it so often." I meant that it is not wise we become very good friends in a certain way, for I wouldn't want John to be sad, hate me even. "I believe I've written enough, too much even. Please, do come up soon. I look forward to your letter."

February 23rd, 1975 Sunday

It was an absolutely unbelievable night! Totally! Well, the film was funny. It was not as funny, though, as Blazing Saddles. I went with Tim and George. Afterwards I asked Tim if he wanted to go get a pizza at the Varsity. He was unsure, I then asked George - (we were rather, slightly, cool to one another), he said no. Tim brought it up again - we decided to and George suddenly decided to go - funny! Well, on the way, Tim meets one guy he knows from Flint. He was rather heavy set, black rimmed glasses and short black hair. We got to the Varsity and we were lucky to get a booth. After slices of pizza and coke, Tim saw across the way a table of guys he knows. He immediatly put on a staring test. Tim has the fantastic ability not to crack up...........
All the time George took glances at me - his face so beautiful in the dim light. I cannot believe I have such tendencies - why is it in me? Where does it originate in my body - is there a source? I feel it all over. As I heard that Tim's friend was from Flint, I asked which floor - the third. I asked him the if he knew David. He said yes. I really laughed then. I seem to know all of David's acquaintances so indirectly. I told him that this would surprise David. He looked at me slyly and asked why - I told him. I wonder why he gave me such a look!? George looked at me once or twice - he knows indirectly.

February 28th, 1975 Friday

I went out for a walk - up to the Water Tower - wet snow. I've come to the conclusion that I must live for art. If I live for passion - it destroys me, makes me jealous. No - I will direct all that energy through art - that is the best. It will be hard, I know - but in the end, I will reap the benefit, my soul will regain it's beauty and express itself through art. I've wasted much of my power chasing shadows.