Archive 2013 | mysite

Robert Flinkman
Self Portrait
gouache, pastel and colored pencil on Crescent board
20" X 15"
2013
copyright 2013 Robert Flinkman

July 7th, 2013 Sunday

I worked today on the self portrait I'm doing on Crescent board. I'm successfully handling gouache, pastel and colored pencil,working on the face and hair and the background. I've made considerable progress there, and need to wait for the gouache to dry to work on that with pastel and colored pencil. The white shirt will be handled last. I'm thinking, thinking, about how to handle the area around the head, leading down to the collar area. That should be interesting.

I finished up reading in the excerpts from Munch's Private Journals. All throughout his descriptions of the landscape, time of day, forests, lakes, all mirror as well his descriptions of his relationships, the fear, the longing, the apprehension. The entry number 42 is great, and the description of the sea shore and his thoughts and feelings in number 61 reminded me exactly of the work, Evening (the yellow boat), beautifully written! And the description of the physical love in number 64, My Madonna, reminded me of the work, Madonna. I can see throughout Munch's works while reading his journal - Ashes, The The Three Stages of Women, The Voice, The Dance of Life. There's a real sense of tension here between desire and internal conflict. Interestingly, entry number 70 is so apropos, still so relevant in his comments about the economic situation, and how the resources are being controlled by a little clique - well. today, it's the 1%. I'd really like to read his journals in their entirety, unedited, they would provide real insight into his works.

December 1st, 2013 Sunday

I headed up to the High Ridge to see the film, Philomena. What a beautiful and really moving film. Judi Dench turns in a very restrained though strong and poignant performance as the mother trying to locate her son taken from her. She truly demonstrates a tender strength that is enduring. And this love and this tenderness is intended not only to her son, but also to his partner, and she accepts him as well. When she visits his partner with the journalist, portrayed by Steve Coogan, and the young man shares the home videos of her son he compiled, Judi Dench's expression looking at her son's life as it passed before her, I know my own Mother, Edith, would feel the same, and how much I would want to share that as well as with Rita. As Philomena searched for her son, so I wondered if Rita did the same with me. I know in my heart I extended my hand to her openly and with real sincerity, only to have it slapped away. I can still feel that pain deep in my gut. And it wasn't the first time that happened to me. You can deal with it, if you truly know honestly that your motives are indeed sincere and caring. I wanted to open up and share. How it was received I have no control over. I just walk away and move on. I've been carrying my own baggage for so long, it's no longer heavy, and it's my own.
While Philomena viewed the home video of her son, I could hear a Chopin prelude in the background.
I guess over the years you become self-sustaining, self-reliant, develop an inner strength. It's like what I told my doctor, if I don't take care of myself, who will do it for me?