Archive 1992-2

Robert Flinkman
Self portrait
oil on canvas
24" X 18"
1992
copyright 1992 Robert Flinkman

July 11th, 1992 Saturday

Somewhat overcast, still some sun, humid. I've arrived here in Clarks Summit about 11:00AM. Somehow I sought to feel the rest, the inner rest I had experienced here one year ago. Why persue the previous? Emotionally it's not been easy for me these past few months, some people can be so immature and cruel. Hypersensitive as I am, it's easier to say "Don't let it bother you," than it is not to let it bother you. I came here for peace, to slowly let go those heartaches, and to massage my heart. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to come back here, where time spent previously was a little happier. Still, the area around here is beautiful. I've already found a scene for a painting and a pastel......The self portrait I'm going to begin tonight with the charcoal sketch, then done over in French Ultramarine blue.

July 13th, 1992 Monday

Overcast, short period of rain this morning - later clearing.
I stayed in working on my self portrait - an exceptional work, pleased with the results. Just a few more touches are needed here. There is no doubt of my solid presence here, I dominate the canvas. Yet there speaks as well an inner emotional tiredness, and extreme loneliness. The bed to the upper left and the dark green box are taken from the hotel room I'm staying at - the green box being the air conditioner. Over to the far right, the light green narrow area is the window I was sitting next to. Alltogether I'm pleased with the work, quite satisfied.
Afterwards (I worked from 9AM-1PM on it), I headed out for a walk, in an area of woods nearby. An old, overgrown path lead thru there, I wondered when the last time was when someone walked on it - grass and assorted plants have grown up, branches from the brush lining the sides had grown in. The forest was made up of fir trees, birch and oak. I walked silently, following the path, not knowing really where it would take me. I kept my eyes open. The wind rustled and swayed the tall trees. I soon came upon a long, narrow, oblong sized pool. Two dragon flies skimmed the surface together, resting. As I slowly and silently approached, evidently salamanders sensed my presence and just scattered, diving deeper into the light, brown silt. Occasionally I'd stop, examining areas where there were flowering shrubs, as insects are wont to gather there. Other times I'd stand still, listening to the wind in the trees, all else silent around. I honestly felt peaceful, at ease, content. Those moments of inner calm, I thought to myself, I wouldn't trade for anything.