Robert Flinkman

Robert Flinkman
The Approach
oil on canvas
20" X 20"
1980
copyright 1980 Robert Flinkman

(NOTE : Certain areas in the painting were reworked in Albuq.in 1998)

 March 12, 1980      Wednesday

I managed to outline in French Ultramarine blue the penciled outlines, and get done some of the basic colors I will be using. So far so good. Today was fairly busy there in Grand Central, and the platform itself is not as free as it is on a morning during Saturday or Sunday, which is when I will be there next. I got a group of curious people stopping by. One man told me that in the thirty years he has been in New York, he has never seen a person painting in the subway. I told him I hope it won't be the last time! I got some of  the subway employees in their blue uniforms and hats coming over to admire what I was doing. I don't mind people viewing my work, so long as they are quiet and stand behind me. One young man came up and complimented me on what I was doing and asked me what I thought of the work done on the trains themselves. He then pointed to the graffiti done on the trains. I told him some of it was good, but misplaced. Instead the walls of buildings designated for such work should be covered. Sometimes brick and plaster are not always so pleasing to the eye.

September 22, 1980   Monday

An incredibly warm day for the first day of autumn.
Last night Denine and I had a wonderful time. She has found an apartment in Queens, near 36th and Washington. She is quite excited about it and wanted to celebrate with me last evening. We first went to Martell's, but the service was terrible. Third Ave. was still littered profusely with paper and boxes.......we ended up going back to her place.
There we sat in the large, bare living room on folding chairs, seated next to the open window sill on which was placed a small tray with coffee mugs, slices of apple and cheddar cheese. We spent the rest of the evening until late reminiscing about Syracuse, our expectations before coming to New York and the realizations we arrived at while here. We both had dreams while approaching life in the big city. Yet it is I who still cling to them. Denine's work has figured prominently in her life, she has gained much from it and has ascended up the ladder. During her stay here she has learned though that she can do without many things, and it is really the basics that matter. Living now alone and on her own means a lot to her, a new experience for her and something I have been used to for some time.
I am seeking, searching still. I know the direction in which I must go and that is within the arts. I described to her the incredible feeling of great destiny I felt during my Senior year, and how I still feel it and believe I have found it, at least the trail leading up to it. I tried to describe to Denine the incredible strides I have made artistically, the satisfaction and strength I gain from it. I have found my purpose in life on the canvas.
I told Denine that the worst thing would be to look back on life and feel regret that upon reviewing all that one has done, it was not really the way you most inwardly feel you should have done. Instead of following the promptings of your own heart, you lived the life according to the dictates of society and/or another. And by the time you realize this, it will be too late to change it, your life was wasted. And this I do not want to happen to me. I must retain my individuality.
Risks must be taken, or nothing will be gained. Inquiries made or no answers will be found. Yet I must decide  what questions to ask and where I am to find those answers.