Archive 1978-4

Robert Flinkman

Night Scene, Subway Entrance, 5th Ave.
oil on canvas
22" X 15"
1978
copyright 1978 Robert Flinkman

July 9th, 1978 Sunday

Nights I have been at the subway on Fifth Ave. I've encountered many people, talked to some, just as well at 7th and Grove. Some only come by to look, others comment. Last night at the subway entrance a young man, 23, stopped by to watch me. I turned and saw a handsome young man, dark hair, parted in the middle in a shag sort of cut, in a dark blue velvet suit, watching me. Under his left arm he carried two books, one Art Students Anatomy (one I used earlier) and a thin, paper-binded book on drawing, the sort of general book one can buy in any art supply store. Slowly we got into conversation. He was visiting New York and was staying at Pierre's. He dropped out of Georgetown and has been learning painting and artwork for about a month. He was especially concerned with figure drawing. I told him of my background and learning at Syracuse. He asked how I learned to see color, perspective, how did I come about painting as I did and so on. It was difficult to explain, for it all quite happened naturally, gradually. It was true that I was taught certain things, yet the gradual assimilation, understanding and using of all I have learned came about gradually, quite naturally. I told him that he should remain flexible, open to all styles, learn from as many different artists as he could. He should not, though, aim in the beginging for any sort of realism, for that would only be too discouraging. The beginings are difficult, very difficult, but one should press on. I do not wait around foolishly for any such thing as "inspiration." That is wrong. I can pick up the canvas or pastel pad any time and work. Both the canvas and the pastel or drawing pad slowly begin to speak to me, slowly at first. I do not see an empty white canvas or pad of paper taunting or teasing, but instead yearning to be filled. Slowly the conversation between myself and the piece of artwork begins, slowly. The more I work, the more the dialog grows. With each piece of work I am better able to talk, communciate. It is only through the brush or pastel stick or drawing pencil that I am able to speak so openly of my problems.

July 11th, 1978 Tuesday

At work, at times, childhood memories will arise, mostly happy ones, or I will remember times out in the country, when I was Colorado or out painting. I remember so well the last time I was out in the fields, so covered with yellow of buttercups, groves of trees, a stream and cows, that was when I drove out toward Malvern, in the early part of the summer. I would feel a most fulfilled man if I could do that more often. Yet the problems I face now are real, of today, current , ones I must deal with effectively, creatively! In a way I receive inward strength from this, to go forward, continue on, deal with this as a thinking, feeling artist. I've realised one thing, and this most concretely - I am an artist. Never has my love nor great, ardent desire for work in that one ever faltered. I must be able to produce, creatively deal with my problems. Yes, my feeling of lack of understanding from other people of my emotions and loneliness may feel so deeply and overwhelming, yet, as with the use of color, am I so used to them, that for another person it would be so strong, as the vibrancy of my colors. One man remarked that he thought my night scene to be "vivid, energetic." Yet for me, I don't actually feel it, for I am so used to it. New York, I feel, will be good for me. I do want to observe, to feel, to sense both with heart and mind the life man creates for himself. Now is my encounter with man's nature. I cannot shrink away from, to withdraw, but instead to observe, involve myself only to the extent that I will be able to see, sense and feel this certain life from a good vantage point of view. This is the aim I came here with, and the aim I need to keep. I don't know what Fate has in store for me in the future, I can only accept what may come. Yet by all means, I must always keep my artistic aims in the forefront. With that in sight, I know I am always steering on a firm, safe, direct course.