Robert Flinkman

Robert Flinkman
Self-portrait
oil on canvas
20" X 16"
1977
copyright 1977 Robert Flinkman

 

September 12th, 1977     Monday

Undoubtedly Chopin is a genius. He can range from a full-bodied sound, so deep, so great, to a most delicate, soft murmur. Chopin gives the piano feeling, depth, a heart. Strange, how more then ever before I can truly feel Liszt's and Chopin's works, as well as Schumann's. Perhaps because I have refined, controlled better how I feel, I understand them better. I am now doing my self-portrait. How different it is from my first one. I am better controlled, more stable. The first one truly typified how I felt inwardly - uncertain, furious, my emotions uncontrolled, swelling up inside, no possible vent for them to release. Yet now things are calmer, better understood......Yes, a sadness is there, for a number of reasons. Let me write that love is a chief reason - of disillusionment, of hopelessness to change - fully, of resignation to Fate. Yet I have collected myself, understand myself better.....Let my work serve as a lesson, that great inner turmoils in the heart and mind may be dealt with constructively, that one can take one's life and heart into one's own hands and work with them, mold them, find the proper outlets through which one can express them. My work may be, perhaps, clumsy in areas, but still it is alive, fresh from me, a product of my own Self, and thus I am proud of it.

 

September  14th, 1977       Wednesday

I did more work on the self-portrait. I did the hair and work on the ear and forehead. It is coming along quite well. Somehow I believe Schumann's works, especially his symphonic etudes, to be so well related to my work. His work as mine are highly personal, romantic, especially so his symphonic etudes....Yet I am unsure what color shirt to wear. Originally I wanted blue, yet the background is that. I guess I'll wear a white shirt - the color won't take away from the face and neck and hair.