Archive 1976 | mysite

September 12th, 1976 Sunday

It felt great to paint. I needed it. That entire night is shown on the sky and foliage in back of the hill to be painted next. All I could hear was Verdi's overture to La forza del destino. First I hear the horns of Fate, cruel Fate, reminding me what Fate has made me feel. Then I feel that, the passion I let loose last night. The violins and horns! - the feeling!! Then comes the melancholy part, I am alone, grateful so, to think. But then arises the strings, reminiscent of my love, my passions, beauty. Yet in the background one hears the cellos - low strings - the regrets, misgivings felt - always present in the background. Yet arises the anxiety, helplessness suddenly! The feelings of powerlessness to change anything, at the mercy of sometimes Fate - all of this in the painting. All that went through my head as I painted. There is joy in this piece of music, yet soon comes those doubts, those misgivings and pain - hear the pounding. But in the end happiness triumphs - good thing, too. Really, Verdi's overture so well shows everything I feel so well condensed. It's all in the painting.

September 17th, 1976 Friday
Oh, God, what's happening to me? I don't know. I seem to want to write so feverishly. I don't know why. I feel in me such power, so an urge to create, to bear so hard, to express - why? I feel strength, am build up, to create to express constructively. Listen to the Manfred Overture by Schumann - that, yes, that tells it all.
Why have things which have happened to me come about? Can I control all that happens? No, for I cannot control the strong emotion which swells in me, which burns my soul, makes my heart swell, to the point of bursting!! I am a victim of all I feel and I don't care, for emotion and passions I love, that makes me feel such depth, such strength - they let me know I'm human - make me aware of my strengths and shortcomings. I feel the need for something - something. I know not what. All I know is that in my soul, heart and mind there dwells powerful, powerful, passions, visions and emotions, all of which are impetus for my artwork.